dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
