her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
