Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
