i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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