I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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