Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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