He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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