that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm bleeding and have questions
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
