I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
