They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
