So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
