My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
