New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
