How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
