Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
