So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
