so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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