For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
