Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
