He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
