Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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