Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
