OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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