I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
