What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
