Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
