I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
