Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
