Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
