hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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