he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
