We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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