Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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