thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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