capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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