so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
