I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
