I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
