i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The best revenge is premature balding
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
