Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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