I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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