why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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