Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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