No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
