dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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