I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
