You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
