My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
