So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
