we have pet lesbian snakes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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