i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
