Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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