their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
