please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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