I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
