PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
