YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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