I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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