I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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