I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
