I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
