i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
