and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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