Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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