He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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