who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
