why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
