I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
