Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
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Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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