I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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