goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All the doctor said was why
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
