I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
