I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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