oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
