A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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