So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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