I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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