dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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