i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
