I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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