Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
