I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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