So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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