3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
