Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
