I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
