So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
