Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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