Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this beer tastes like vomit already
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
