I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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