She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
