cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
