i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
