I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
