her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
