just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
