Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
